You Gotta ASK. Keep ASKING Until You Find Your Yes!
Posted on Sep 5, 2018
A big secret to life that I have to constantly remind myself of: If I really want something, I have to ask for it and really believe I deserve it.
Sure, asking may require a bit of courage like asking for a job, a raise or promotion. But it’s not the size of the ask or even the answer that matters. And no matter how big or intimidating the person we may need to ask is, it's not not about them either.
Keep your BIG end goal in sight and let go of everything else – those are just details.
What matters is the action of asking and not concerning ourselves with getting a YES or NO. Because, what I have come to learn (and this is a super valuable discovery) is that asking is an action and sets the wheels in motion. It's the process of asking and once you start the momentum of asking - and asking with conviction, well, it’s only a matter of time before you get your YES. ‘ASKING’ creates energy and is like exercising a muscle. It sends signals out to the world because the more you do it, the more the world starts revealing and serving up all kinds of options for you.
NO is not a final response unless we decide to give up. Life responds to our ASKS with either a “YES!” or a “Not Yet” or a “Here’s a better idea….”
Imagine for a minute if we all just received YES’s every time we asked for something – it certainly wouldn’t make us want to strive harder or dedicate ourselves to hone our craft if it all came too easy, would it?. As much as we all want the ‘easy road’…there is a route and purpose to finding our best YES. The key is to get moving and start asking.
Noes are extremely valuable and we receive them for a reason. NO responses often give us some feedback that could help us get to the next stage. A NO might introduce us to someone new we wouldn’t have known otherwise. NO closes some doors and leads us down new pathways to open new doors towards our most valued and cherished YES’s. NO responses teach us something. NO makes us mentally and emotionally resilient. NO makes us go back to the drawing board and improve things – our craft, our product or improving how and who we ask. And then what seems like no rhyme or reason on no particular day, it all comes together and you get that fabulous, glorious… YES! NO, makes us better and pushes us beyond our comfort zones – and that’s where the magic is. That’s where YES lives. Looking back....thank god I didn't get an immediate yes. It forced me to reach higher and inevitably it was far better.
NO, is really just a test. It separates the ones that really want something with the ones who don’t want it bad enough. Just don't take it personally.
Why do so many people struggle with asking? Why do we deny ourselves the very thing or things we know would bring us the most fulfilment or sense of accomplishment? ‘NO’ can be devastating to some and subsequently give up.
How many NOES did some of the most successful people have to endure before they received their first yes? Arianna Huffington received 36 rejection letters from publishers for her second book before she finally found her yes. Steven Spielberg was rejected by the University of Southern California School of Theatre, Film and Television – not once, or twice but three times! There are countless examples of how many rejections people received before they finally got their YES.
I’ll admit – I’m not crazy about getting a No response either. It’s not easy putting yourself out there. But it’s a small price to pay for what you truly desire. We have to get a little more tough skinned to weather the word NO.
Here’s the next big secret I’ve come to learn: The world is not fair and it sure doesn't give opportunity to the most talented. The ones with the guts to ASK and keep on asking are the ones who receive.
Life opens up doors to those that ASK - whether you feel they deserve it or not. Truth is, they were bold enough, brave enough, perseverant enough to keep on asking. I'm a fairly decent singer and to make a living as one has always been a little dream of mine. Yet, I never gave it my full attention to pursue. Let’s face it, a gig or record deal won't just knock on my door. I have always said the only difference between someone with a song on the radio and myself is that they went for it and I didn’t. No ask - no result.
So, what will you ASK for today? Will you ask someone for help? Will you ASK for the business? Will you ASK for a chance to showcase yourself in some way? Will you ASK for a referral? Will you ask someone to read your book or listen to your song you wrote? Will you ASK for money to invest in your business idea? Will you ASK for the opportunity to be considered for a gig, a job, a part, a contract…? What if you just started with ASKING yourself “Can I muster up the courage to ASK?” or “What’s my ASK today?”
That old wise saying “There’s no harm in asking” is profoundly true. Because we know - and here comes another wise saying “the worst thing that can happen is they’ll say NO!” The world will not implode because you asked and received a NO. And we know, a NO might seem like the worst thing but in truth, it’s a whole lot better than not asking at all. Somehow we need to get excited with NO responses. It means that YES is closer in sight...
Wayne Gretzky has two quotes I love:
“ Before you win, you have to believe you are worthy ” and “ You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take ”.
Do you need permission to take your shot and ASK? Here it is.
You read this today for a reason.